I've made a promise to myself that from today I am going to keep a diary. Seeing as no one reads my blog I'm pretty sure I'm safe in posting this here. This is the first entry of my diary. This is who I am. I am posting this here because for my own sanity. Yes that might sound a tad strange but I am going through a form of self therapy, to help myself become a stronger and better person. To leave this diary entry here is to admit to myself and others who I really am.

5th December 2010

I haven't written a diary since I was about 6 or 7 years old.
I decided it was about time I tried again. I believe I have gotten to the age where I need to write down my thoughts and experiences, lest I forget 'the best years of my life'.
I've been thinking a lot lately. About my life. About where it is going. About the men that have come and gone. B.Y, T.W, C.C, N.G, S.C, S.F, N.H, M.P, L.R, L.M, A.R... Too many men in my opinion. If I could turn back time I would've kept my virginity intact and waited for someone special other than the first person who ever found me attractive.
I may be being harsh on myself, but I am, in esscence, a whore. Although I'm not one who exchanges carnal pleasures for money or shiny, pretty objects I do exchange the use of my body for affection. To feel loved. To actually have someone tell me I am beautiful. To have someone to hold me and make me feel safe.
Disgusting isn't it.
I am an affection whore.
And now? Now there is no one. So slowly I'm withering. I am becoming weak, low, lonely.
I'm good at wallowing in self pity too. I wish I wasn't.
I never used to be like this you know. I'm pretty certain I was a contented child that always had a smile on her face. But now all innocence is lost. How I wish I could get the tiniest fragment of that innocence back, just to be able to look at the world with eyes that aren't damaged by the horrible things around us. That would be bliss.
And what of love? I have been in love. I'm not sure if I still am in love but I know what it feels like. Love can be pure and wonderful and give you that warm fuzzy feeling, but for me love is a heart stopping, gut wrenching, mostly heartbreaking thing. Love hurts. I long for someone that loves me as much as I love them, but unfortunatly I have only ever known one sided love.
For now I shall remain single. If I'm lucky enough for someone to come along and fall hopelessly in love with me then so be it, but I will not settle for less than that anymore.
Goodbye short meaningless relationships.
Hello long lasting relationships.
I hope anyway.


Same Old Bloody Crap

Why is it that the only guys that find me attractive are ones that have girlfriends that they 'forget' to tell me about?


I have lost all ability...

...to think!
Bloody hell brain! Get into gear will you!
Only two and a bit more weeks before I go home too.
I can't wait. I need a break from uni.
It isn't as fun as I thought it would be :(



No money.
No food.
Work work work.
Haven't been out in god knows how long.
No fecking hugs.
I can't wait to go home!


Riots and Poor Students

Its been a while since I posted on here so here we go! So much has happened! I've finished my first project and now I'm onto my glasswork project. I've got immensly better at cooking and yesterday I went to the NUS march in London (which was a bit mental. Can't say I'm not dissapointed with the rioters though, they kinda ruined it for everyone)


Hello Cornwall!

I've finally moved! AND I LOVE IT!
Went a bit mental in Asda buying cushions and lamps and blankets and god knows what else, but nevermind!

My little bathroom

My desk

My proper lovely room!

I arrived yesterday, got all unpacked, talked to the one flatmate that was actually out of his room then went back into mine and sat on my laptop for ages. If it wasn't for the fact that I was bored out of my arse I wouldn't have gone out last night, I'm so glad I did though. I met loads of people and you know what, I LOVE FALMOUTH UNIVERSITY!


Mmm Cake!

Made a cake for my dad's birthday tomorrow.
48 hours until moving time!


Bye Bye Bag

Suitcase got sent down today. Saves the hassle of trying to lug it down on the train.
Only 3 days until I leave for Falmouth.


RIP phone

December 2008 - September 2010
You had a good run.


9 Days!

Second haul for uni!

Red Sky

♥ ♥ ♥


Not Long Now

My first haul for uni. Going shopping again tomorrow.
Only 10 days left before moving time!


Oh yeah!

8 out of 26 pages done so far.


Zine Time

I'm creating a zine...
Watch this space.



Some paper craft I made (free download from the Lazy Bear Blog)


Honey + Raisin Flapjacks
400g porridge oats
200g unsalted butter
200g honey
200g sugar
A handful of raisins
1. Heat the honey, butter and sugar in a pan until the sugar is dissolved.
2. Stir in the oats and raisins.
3. Pour into a cake tin and bake in the oven (around gas mark 5/190C) for 15-20 minutes or until golden brown.
4. Wait until it's cool before cutting.


The Sea Hath No King

More Sketchbook work. The quote is from Rossetti's The White Ship.

The Sea In A Matchbox

Summer project. Finished!


As Blue As The Sky

I wish you were here with me
So we could look up at the sky
With mouths wide open,
Full of awe at the scale of it all.



From my summer project sketch book

Oh Hai!

Thought I'd start this blog again, purely for shits and giggles mind..
Well, I'm going to University College Falmouth soon! 20 days to be exact!
I'll be studying Contemporary Crafts and I can't blummin' wait. Best of all I'll finally have my own bathroom! No more sharing with stinky boys who leave the toilet seat up.
Anyway.. For now I shall leave you with this, because I love it and its beautiful.